The Courage !!!!

Letting go of someone you love is never easy. The truth of it is, once any bond is made it's hard to break that bond. Just like welding, when two things are bonded together, to get them apart something has to be broken. When people bond they bond at their heart, so unfortunately, when you break a bond you're heart is where the bond has to be broken, thus the pain of heartbreak. There are so many times in life when you have to let go of someone you love, but that doesn't mean letting go of love.
It almost been a year and i still can't let go. I've question myself many times. What is going on with me?? There's a guy who very care and concern me but why do my heart still keep holding to the past? It is so hurt to face reality that i have to keep going on without you at my side. 
The most painful experience in life is to let go of someone you love. Everybody has somebody whom they love unconditionally. To create this bond, a strong relationship is created from very early years.
LOVE - What exactly is LOVE? How am I supposed to let go of someone I love, if I'm not even sure what love is? As for letting it go, well, I'm not sure I've ever had hold of it in the first place. What is love anyway? You see I thought love was my friend. I thought it was, no, IS, my BEST FRIEND.
INSECURITY - It's one of the most terrifying emotions in existence. I know what insecurity feels like, and I've no doubt what so ever, ,I have it. Is it a disease? Perhaps it's a bacterial infection, and by simply taking some sort of antibiotic, it will just, go away. Then again, maybe it won't. What I do know is; I don't trust love. Trust must be missing. I suppose I need to let go of love, because they say, "If you LOVE, let love go. If love comes back to you, it's yours. If love does not return, it was never yours to begin with.
Ending a relationship is hard to do, no matter what the relationship your ending entailed. Sometimes even quitting a job that you hate can be hard, if you like the people you work with. It isn't so much the relationship ending that is the hard part, it is usually the change that comes from ending a relationship that is what is hard. The routine that you establish during a relationship can become comforting, and gives you a sense of normalcy. When that sense of normalcy is broken, it can feel like life itself is strange, and you scramble for that sense of normal to come back.
I still missing our old times. I'm not dare to step forward cause i know every moment, every thing i do is remind me of you. I'm lost. I actually don't know what love meaning to me. If i be able to know i'm sure i won't be so suffering. I know is my fault and i'm also know that we cannot turn back time. I really wish we can turn back to normal but what i can do now is let God arrange everything. What i wanted to do is run away from tis place. Is too much memory about me and you. I really wanted to run away !!!!

My Off Day !!^^

It's Sunday and is my off day !!!! Trying to get my ass out from my bed.Me and my bestie Queenie been planning for a bridal hopping. She need to get a Cheong Sam for her annual dinner. Wake up at 11.00 pm but when we get ready to go out from the house, is already 2.00 pm. Hahahahha...... Straight we head down to town and visited for few bridal shop.
When my first move, step into the bridal shop,  i had a feeling that I've never had before. The feeling is so warm and when i see every of the couple inside choosing the gown, the smile of their face is different. The wedding gown is so nice and the picture of the couple is so sweet. All the while i was thought that a marriage is just procedure to verify the status is to be husband and wife. Taking picture, wedding ceremony, having dinner is a troublesome matter.
Now i know, is more than that. When the day, the bride wearing the gown the feeling is not the same. Is not a troublesome matter. Is not just a status only. 
We been going few of the bridal shop and end up have to try those dinner dress because no much option of the Cheong Sam. Some are very nice but very expensive. The dress that she found it nice about RM600.00. Wearing for 1 night and have to return to back. End up, she decided to bought a dress at KL. We did not take any picture because they not allowed us to do  :( but she already bought a very beautiful dress at KL. 
After that we had our lunch + dinner at secret garden about 5PM. There is a very nice place to chill. To had our dinner, happy hour and chilling with wine there. 

Been trying to steal the picture from other website. Because i din take picture  :p

It look more nice when at night with the lights :)

the mushroom soup.... hmmm... quite nice. The soup is smooth but a little too much milk  ♥

Just a simple salmon salad but the taste is nice  :)

Cabonara pasta with mushroom....  I  ♥ cabonara very much.... and i know is FAT!!!!

Never take this picture but wanna intro few of the dishes there. This is what they call four season. 4 Season - A set of four types of sandwiches; Salmon with capers on toasted baguette, Salad sandwich of mixed greens stuffed in a pita pocket, English Sandwich with a squared sunny side up, and the Steak Sandwich between whole-grain bread.

At last but not least, after eat of coz we need a drink that can relax ...... I've been heading to a club at ipoh garden east called LAVISH. Is a new bar in Ipoh. 

My medicine to get sleep better  :)

L.O.V.E for me !!!^^

I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.

Changes !!!! ^^

Let's face it... we've changed. We all changed. Somewhere between summer ending and school starting, we've gone in our own directions. Hearts were broken, friends diminished, new love started and new people came into our lives. We no longer spend all of our time in our circle of friends, we no longer talk for hours about nothing at all. We've changed -- some for the better, some for the worse. Some of us are finding love and others are trying to let go. Even though we've changed, we all know that even though we're all finding our own place in the world, that when we find out love, when we let go of a love, when the tears fall, or the happy smile spreads across our face... we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us and no matter what happens, nothing will ever change so much to the point that we'll be friends forever.

I believe there's so many different ways to be connected to new people and see new thing that i wanted. There are the people you feel this unspoken connection to, even though there's not even a word for it. There's the people you've known forever, who know you in this way that other people can't, because they've seen you change, and they've let you change.

Sometimes there are things in our life that aren't meant to stay. Sometimes change may not be what we want. Sometimes change is what we really need. And sometimes saying goodbye is the hardest thing you think you'll ever have to do, but sometimes it's saying 'hello again' that breaks you down and makes you the most vulnerable person you'll ever know. Sometimes change is too much to bear, but most of the time change is the only thing saving your life.

Sleepless Night :)

I've been suffering insomnia since the day you left me till today.... I thought i'm brave enough to handle of all this hurt feeling. Recently, i started to miss you a lot and i don't even know why. All of our memories are playing inside my head......Broken heart again. Another lesson learned. Better know your friends or i will get burned.
A breakup can be one of the most painful experiences in life. Whether you are the dumper or the dumpee ~ it hurts. It requires a lot of personal reflection and change. It's never easy. You're the one who broke my heart, you're the reason my world fell apart, you're the one who made me cry, yet I'm still in love with you and I don't know why. The memories is really make me pain even till now. 
Of course i knew that i'll going to get heart broken when i get with you. And it isn't just going to happen once, but a lot. That's just part of growing up, i knew that it will makes me stronger. Then i can handle it better next time. I may not get through it myself, but friends will help me through it. And i'll be a stronger person because of it. Then one day someone will come along, and it'll all pay off and no one will ever break my heart again.
Maybe they are right. Maybe I did get my hopes up too high. Maybe I was in over my head. Maybe I am the stupid one for ever thinking that you loved me, but maybe, just maybe, I am tired of being alone. Today was just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of you and every song I heard somehow related to you. I hate days like today, because they remind me of the one thing I dont have.
I know I'm not completely over him. He still crosses my mind several times a day, but with each one of those times, a feeling of contempt also passes through my heart. Maybe if this happens enough, my heart will become completely hardened to him, and I'll get to the point where he doesn't affect me anymore. I'm still waiting for the day......
I lay here at night, trying to fall asleep but each time I close my eyes,memories of you flash through my mind but then I open my eyes and welcome myself back to reality because I know now, you and I weren't ever really meant to be.  Why do I waste my time? Why is it that you're so damn irreplaceable?
I think it's time that I let you go. And it's really hard for me to do because I know that there's a part of me that will be in love with you for the rest of my life but i really  want to try my best to let you go bcoz i dun wanna cry anymore....  :(

Thanks for the comment ^^

Thanks everyone for the comment you left here, thanks for liking my blog  =) 
Never thought or expect anyone would like it, coz i just wish this is the only place that i could tell whenever i did not know where or who am i suppose to talk too.......
Been too long not updated my blog, actually a lot of things happen and get tired with the work that i had now. It's really stress and tired. Trying to make myself to update the blog  =)

Love is Magic ~~~

Some say that we are born to love and that love is the meaning and the aim of our lives. Many people believe that it’s a divine magical power that connects two loving hearts. For ages people have been thinking of what love is, writing books and song about love, in the recent time – shooting movies all on the same topic. Christians would say that God teaches us to love each other, the most skeptical materialists would blame it all on the chemical processes and hormones, romantic people would stand for the theory that each of us has his or her half on the Earth. Whatever love really is – the humanity definitely loves it.

Love is opposite to selfishness, because it’s always heading to some other person but you. It’s the highest point of human’s relations development. One voluntary gives up a great part of his/her own freedom. Love is giving by it’s nature. Person feels satisfaction and happiness not from receiving but from and seeing one happy. Two individuals completing one another form some spiritual union in which one is happy because the other’s is happy and one knows that he or she loves because he or she knows he/she would do anything it takes to make the other.

Love has it’s magical power to overcome all troubles, heal illnesses, create wonders. In critical life situations it gives people the strength to survive, to hold on however tough the living gets. And it all comes from the knowledge that you’re not alone in this world.

But everyone should mind that love arises not between angels but between people with all their little sins and flows. So the mistakes, problems and conflicts in love are in fact normal, they all come from our human’s nature. But the clear feeling of love is worth all the troubles one has to walk through to gain it. As we know Rome wasn’t built in a day, the same thing with love. There’s not any perfect art of loving. It’s always a road laid with  compromises, everyday battle – not with the one you love, but with yourself. That’s how love makes us better. For everyone this way is personal. You can never predict how the relationships will develop but it’s in your ability to make it better.

Some say that love lives free years, other theory gives love one more year, some don’t give it any chance. Very many people believe that a family is a grave of love. So the negative prognoses are plenty. But still there stay some true believers. And deep in the heart many of us would like to believe and do believe in love. Because it has some magic in it and all the attempts to explain and to define it are failures.

Love makes clever people loose their mind and silly ones it makes genius. Love is paradoxical in very many aspects. There are statements that love is always happiness even when it’s unhappy and at the same time  that there’s both nothing worse and nothing better than it. Another variant is that you never lived till you loved, and that love is the key to life and the sense of it. We may cite very many sayings and examples. They all are true and none is final. In one thing we can be sure: one who loves sees the world in the different way when all others, things look brighter, birds sing louder, life shows itself in it’s completeness.

How can i stop all this feeling??

I don't know what I'm gonna do...I've spent days and nights without you...it hurts me so bad to know you're not there...but you know I love you and you don't even care...I wish I could get you to see how much...how I love looking in your eyes and your gentle touch...but I should move on...I know, but I just can't seem to let go.
I really think there's a reason that I like him so much.  Like something is telling me not to let him go.  Everytime I follow my heart...it leads me to him.  I mean...what other explanation is there?  Why is it that he is all I can think about?  Why is it that no matter how upset I am...I see him and I can't help but smile?  Why is it that when he smiles at me...I get that feeling in my stomach?  And even when he'd broken my heart, and hurt me as much as anyone could ever hurt me...when he lied to me...and I hated him...why then did I still feel those same feelings??? 
Anyone could tell me to just give up and move on but I can't... they don't understand...they don't know him and they don't know what it's like to want him so much. If they understand, they will know why i can't let go~~~
"When you love someone, you are giving them the power to hurt you". Is it true???

It's so hard to show everyone that I'm doing fine without you when deep inside i'm not. It's hard because i have to smile when i really can't hold back my tears... cause as far i can see, you're doing fine without me....
How do you prepare a heart to be broken, or dreams to fall through?
How do you let go of a miracle, who means everything to you? How do you walk away, with tears in your eyes? Letting go isn't easy, i can only pray that i'll survive.

I'm not angry because we broke up, I'm sad because I can't let  you go.  I'm happy because of the memories we made, I'm sad because I can't stop reliving them in my mind.  I'm not angry at you for not loving me, I'm angry with me for still loving you.  I'm not angry that I lost you, I'm sad because I once had you.  I'm not angry that I can't have you, I'm sad because I know what I'm missing.  I'm not angry that you've moved on, I'm sad because I can't.  I'm not angry that you won't come back, I'm sad because I keep  hoping you will.  I'm not angry because I hate you and don't want to...I'm sad because I miss you and I love you.

You never realize how much you love someone until they're gone.  You never realize that...yes...once their love surrounded you but now...what do you have?  Memories.  Why does love hurt so much, when it's supposed to be such a good thing?  It's something that...yeah...I guess it can't be helped but...maybe it's harder for you than it is for someone else.  Faint smells of cologne...a song on the radio...a movie...or a single word...these are things that bring back those memories.  But, you can't hide from these things...because...they're there and no matter how hard you try to, they'll always be there.  Even when you have moved on to the future...and those things don't trigger the memories as much as before...they still do.  You can't forget someone that you've loved...you may want to...but you can't.  Love cannot be forgotten...no matter how hard we try...and how much we think it'll ease the pain...it will always be there...forever. 

I really wish that all this kind of feeling get away from me but how long will it take???

A broken hearted

This is for the broken hearted. I know how's the feeling. Empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever. I don't want to laugh, because i know it's not going to help, but i don't want to cry, because it will just make me feel worse. 
I feel like my heart is falling apart, but not only that, i know soon your life is going to feel like it's falling apart too even not bcoz of me. I hope that i don't think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to me, it feels impossible to stop loving him. And everyone wonders why if he have hurt me so much, then why do i still love him? That's the confusing part, i really don't know why, i just do, and the people who hurt me the most, are normally the ones i love the most.
 And then, after a few weeks, i finally feel a sense of relief, like i'm getting happy again, but i know inside that i'm just going into denial. And after a few more weeks, i'm back to where to an empty soul and teary eyes. 
I thought i'll got over him, but really, he just stopped showing it. And i can't help but to show it again. It leaves deep scars on my heart that are there forever. And no one understands how i feel, and how deep i'm hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn't happened to them and even if it has, every broken heart is different. 
He don't know the true pain i feel and carry each and everyday now, so i learn that basically i'm are all alone with all this. And the feeling starts to overwhelm me, and suddenly i just break down, right there, because i know i've had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and i'm to the point where i don't care who see's. Because i've spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection. 
And in the midst of all these tears, i know that its not helping any, and it's not going to bring him back, if i ever even had him in the first place. After about a million tears have been cried, i'm trying to pull myself back together and keep going. My throat starts to clench and my eyes burn with the tears i'm trying to hold back. Everyone says, "It will be okay…” But you know it won't. And that’s the truth, it won’t. And i look back on all of the hurt i had from this, and i realize that people are horrible. I'm still hurt, but i've learned to hide it so that everyone thinks i'm okay. So now every time i see this person, i know i still love him, and i feel a slight tingle in my heart yearning for him to love me back, screaming out, but for some reason he won't and don't hear it. And then i sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this........
I really mad at myself, not you. I'm mad for always being nice, always apologizing for things I didn't do, for getting attached, for making you my life, depending on you, wasting my time on you, thinking about you, following you, changing for you, forgiving you, wishing for you, dreaming of you, and most of all... for not hating you which I know I should... but I can't. Why you didn't appreciate of what all i've done?? 

This is what i call friend ♥ ♥

Times that we been waitin..... and waitin......and you're BACK!!!!!  Is real great to seeing you, even though is not very long. Just 1 and a half month but we still feels like ages...... hahaha..... seems too over. Anyhow, great seeing you again. Seeing a happy queen !!!!Talk a lot things to you, the feelings like back to when i get to know you. 

And i realize, sometimes life is hard to bear when a friend is just not there :( And i understand now that,  friends are always friends no matter how far you have to travel back in time. If you have memories together, there is always a piece of your friendship inside your heart. Maybe this is the reason we keep on taking lots of picture when we together. To keep the memories :)
Here is part of some our memories.......

Babe ♥ me :)

Mangsat back to action again!!!!

It's been a while.....

queen ♥ me ♥ cheron

Can't wait back to normal

Hawt...hawt....babe

In a very secret garden ♥

Location: Secret Garden, IpoH

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend. Someone who changes my life just by being a part of it. Someone who makes me laugh until i can't stop. Someone who makes me believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces me that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for me to open it. This is forever friendship. When i'm down and the world seems dark and empty, my forever friend lifts me up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full. My forever friend gets me through the hard times, the sad times and the confused times. If i turn and walk away, my forever friend follows. If i lose my way, my forever friend guides me and cheers me on. My forever friend holds my hand and tells me that everything is going to be okay. And if you find such a friend, you feel happy and complete because you need not worry. I have this forever friend, and forever has no end.

I understand that we all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.

Happy Birthday Alfie !!!!!!

To Alfie, who now live peacefully and happily with God.

Time passed really fast. It's about 2 years?? Anyhow......

 Receive my wishes and blessing from me as well as your dearest friends and loves, here. Looking us from up above. 

Partying hard up there with God .....♥♥

It’s your birthday, let’s remember those times,

With a couple, funny rhymes.

Partners in crime, since young and tender,

No matter what, we never surrender.

Young and foolish, got in trouble,

Tried to hide it; became double.

Rarely thought before we acted,

Didn’t take much, to get distracted.

Remember those times, and all that fun,

Never seemed to escape the sun.

After all those years; a bond,

Most times, I am fairly fond.

Missing you!!!!

Not an option(@^^@)

My friends are always telling me to move on, to give up. But why? Why should I?
They don't see you the way that I see you. They don't look into your eyes and see the world. Why would they understand?They can't possibly imagine what it means to look at your best friend and see all their hopes and dreams come true.
I wish for once, just once,they could walk a mile in my shoes. But they wouldn't need to walk that far,
they would just take one step and suddenly,they would take back every bit of 'getting over you'
advice they had ever given me and realize you're my life, you were meant for me, and that moving on or giving up is simply not an option.
Knowing something true does not make it what we wish it to be. We see things not as they are but as we are. Though feelings be strange and minds' eyes look through veiled souls, in the end it is not our despair that we should fear but rather it is our tenacity. Sometimes pride can scar us more than hurt.
To love is to tie your heart to someone else’s and never let go. If the love quickly fades, it was not love. If you truly love someone you will always be thinking of them and you will want to make them always feel your love and take time out of your lives for them, because you will always want to be with them and make them happy. If you don’t, it’s not love. 

Still Hurting......

What should i say more??? Yup, he left me....... Truly to say, i still can't let go. Many advices through my head... i know what you guys wanted to say and this is all my words to you guys when u guys having the same problem.I know and i understand but my heart dun let me to forget this person. 
 There is many things we do and we dont know why we do them! like lying to the one you really care about and didnt plan to loose. It seems like only yesterday when i had you in my arms now your gone with someone new, and it hurts to know that i lost you forever! if only i can tell you how much i love and how much i wanna have you in my arms once more! but thats something i can never do cuz i would not want to hurt myself again. I took you for granted and now i have to live with it. I cry myself to sleep everynight thinking of what could of been, and it hurts when i think that im never gonna find out. All i can say is that im sorry and i wish you the best but when i say that im wishing you the best it kills me inside cuz what im really wishing for is to have you once more!!!
I never thought, loving me is hard for you. I know what will happen if i'm with you but i'm still go for it. I told myself, i wont mind anything as long as i had the memories with you even a lil' while but i'm greedy. I wish to be with you forever!!!! I know there's impossible and difficulties coz of difference races..... I know you want freedom!!!!! Didn't i give you the freedom enough????? Can someone really tell me what he thinking about???? I really can't differentiate who is telling me truth and lie anymore...... My mind just become blank. 
How can I forget you when your always on my mind? How can I not want you when your all I want inside? How can I let you go when I can't see us apart? How can I not love you when you control my heart? What am i gonna do now??
2 weeks already passes and it's still hurt me. You might not want to have any relationship and we might even bcome a stranger but you can't stop me for loving you. There's nothing that i can do to get you back, so what i can do is loving you in secretly until i really can let down. I know is gonna hurt but is better than force myself to letting you go and force myself to forget you. This makes me more suffer and cry more. 
Being with you for past few months, there's some moments i will not forget. But, the most unforgettable and i most happy in our relationship is the day u telling me "i love you" on the phone. That is the moment i could ever forget. Really wanted to tell u how much i miss you and love you now but i know i can't........... When am i gonna to let down?????

Birthday bash of ^^Ji muizz^^

So called ji muiz for more than 10 years. We been friend since primary school. Going thru a lot of things together, happy or sadness. And we still here together and this is what we called a true friend. We have our own life, own boyfriend, those who married got their own family and everyone of us had our own career. Things might be changes a bit, not as close as last time but there is still something brings us back together.
Last week, we do have enjoying conversation and friend's back from singapore- LENG WEI. We've been celebrating yin li's birthday and going to fun fair after tat. Still, we play like a 'lil kids. There's is the moment i do happy and forget everything. And not to forget recently celebrating ping siang birthday  .......
We getting older and older and things we face getting more and more. So, hope the happiness will never get away from us. Here are some pictures is the moment we laughing at, and i could not ever forget. Even past for 4 years, i will be still laughing and thinking back at the moment  :)

Happy Birtday my dear... ♥

Someone being so naughty when i taking picture..... hmmm......

me ♥ ping siang

a great moment wif u guys  :)

lovess..... ♥

more and more  :)

welcome back...  :)

play like a "lil kids......

Another birthday girl ♥

At frenz cafe....

Location: IpoH

Still hoping that everyone of us getting better and better each day. Hope everyone of us getting the hapiness that we wish for. And do really hope our friendship will stay longer. Love u guys......... muackssssssss ♥

An unexpected gift (@_@) ♥ ♥

Last few days, i received  an unexpected gift from him. What i happy is not that what gift he giving me but the heart that thinking of me. Until now, i'm not really 100% sure what he is thinking but i really glad. He started to show he care, get an unexpected call from him, unexpected words for him, unexpected dinner with him and a lot unexpected thing that he never done before.
I knew he not always be the same. Sometimes may be cold to me, left me alone, not care about me but recently i notice that he knew about me just do not want to say it out. I really wish i'm special for him and i'm the one who always in his mind. This is really what i hope for. 
I really wanted to tell him,when he say "I love you", the world stops for a moment, the stars stop shining, the moon stops glowing, the earth stops breathing, all that's alive is our love ... I was so surprise coz all been a while he never mention this word to me but when he said that, i'm stunt for a while. This words is the biggest present from him. 
Thank you for everything. I don't need any other things from you but just your love. It would be great and more than everything. I know you've been busy and no time for me coz i know is your time now. Wishing you had lots winner in your race and i can see that you really a good jockey. I told you before, the way ur serious look is really attract me. Even though your appearance look like never serious but i know you actually you are serious with your career. I can really sees that you like your job so much. I feel proud of you.
To love you is like nothing I've ever felt before, a feeling like I'll melt every time you're around me. I do not know it will last how long but i really so appreciate now. Thanks for the gift ♥~~~ So sweet of you  :)