Tired of waiting....

Every morning I wait to see
If you would pass me by
I know that you don't think of it
I don't have to ask you why

I pray for the slightest moment
When you and I could talk
We could laugh at how our day is going
And maybe we could take a walk

But knowing you, you have no time
I cannot blame you at all
But you can't blame me for wanting you
As I walk alone in the hall

If I am able to make time for us
Then shouldn't you be able too?
It seems that everything that's done...
I do it all for you

You want us both to take it slow
But how slow do you really mean?
Because it seems like we're going nowhere
It's like the end with no in-between

It hurts me so, to see you there
It hurts to know how you feel
Because our emotions are so the same
But I wonder if it's really real

To know that you feel that for me
But you have no time for it
You know that I’m on the verge of doubt
It's hard not to ignore it

I do not want to hurt again
I know you don't want to try
But it seems that there's no time for me
And that makes me want to cry

You claim to not have a life
But I have none just as well
I'm trying to make something out of this
In case you couldn't tell....

The signs are pointing strongly around
My feelings remain the same
I'm trying hard to make this work
But to you, I do not give the blame

I never mean to rush you
But it seems that time is fading
I can only stay so long for you
But I’m just so tired of waiting..

I'm missing him ♥♥....

Everytime i'm going for a drink, i'm sure miss him a lot. Trying to sms him, but when he no reply me. Tere's 2 way i giving myself explanation which is he dun wan reply me coz he drinking outside or he is sleeping. Yup. rite now i'm drinking and i'm terribly  missing him. As a girl, i'm not suppose too obvious telling him that i love him or miss him. 

As other people said, he might not serious with me and i should not take it so serious if not i will get hurt. When i'm not drinking, i can control myself. But whenever i start drinking, i can't control myself to sms him and i wanted tell him that i miss him and love him so much. My deep heart is scare. I'm so scare coz i really serious with him even though whole world telling me how bad he is. 
When a man is in love he wants to be with the woman of his desires more than he wants to be with anyone else. He din show that he wants to be with me. Only i'm the one who show that i need him so much. And i'm asking myself, what i should do???

I know he's not this kind playful person. He is just experience something that he never had b4. Tats why his attitude will be like that. Maybe people will said i just giving myself a reason. Whatever it is...... I'm just had a sincere heart and i love him truly...... Mayb he is not..... who's know????? 

I know what i should do just i'm not willing to do it. I know is kinda stupid. Hope he will change because of me but i know guys wont change bcoz of a girl unless he truly love her. I know love is not blinded just tat we not willing to know more and pretend nothing happen. I really wish he oso had a sincere heart to me. 

I'm not drunk but i really wanted to tell him how much i miss him. I really hope he at my side now  :(

Even he coming back tmr but i think i din get a chance to meet him............ 

Saturday Nitez

Having a glass of red wine, listening the song that i like the most. What i need now is a place. Hope i can standing near the beach listening to the wave and enjoying the night view. Having a deep breath and feel the wind and awaiting the sunset. Unfortunately i'm inside my room, with the laptop and writing my mood and feeling in my blog  :)

A very silent nite, it make me feel like i'm back to the day i'm at kl. When i feel i could not breath at all, i will stand at the balcony having a deep breath and telling myself i'm doing good and every time is a good time. Listening a soft voice and a heart to heart session with my friend whenever we got a chance to meet each other. 

Can't expected saturday night i'm at home but i din feel wanna go out though coz mummy at hospital rite now. Hope god bless her, and recover soon. I can't sleep tonight coz i know tomorrow i'm gonna see him. I suppose to feel happy and get excited. Yup, i can't sleep coz i'm excited to see him but not tat really happy. I really hate myself sometimes. Why i can't just be brave when i see him? I really think a lot to choose post up this blog a not coz i'm scare.

I didn't mention a lot of my feeling here coz i know YOU will see my blog. I don't wish you get hurt coz when i know when you with another i oso will feel terrible sad. I can't believe the moment now  we become a stranger. 

I think i slowly back to my old days habit. Hiding inside the room, don't feel to meet anyone, don't feel to pick up call and i just wanna be alone. I really have awful feeling at the moment. Gosshhh.... i really don't wish i back to this habit again. 

I know that i need to change coz i'm all alone rite now. I can't depend on anyone but just myself. I have to change myself and have to be independent. So, GAMBATEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Feel miserable

All been left as memory now but i will still remember the memory i had wif you. Honestly, it's really hard for me to forget since we've been together for so long It's been struggling for so long. What should i do? I'm still care about you.
I feel myself slipping once again, I know whats to come now, I've been here before. Lonliness and despair, just me and my thoughts, my private struggle.
I don't want much, just to be free from this darkness, this pain, this fear. I wish people didn't judge, I'm not 'weak'! I can't just 'pull myself together!' I wish it were that easy.
I wish they understood, I wish I didn't have to pretent, I wish I didn't have to hide, I wish I wasn't me!
I really want you to know that you still inside my heart and nobody gonna replace you in my heart no matter what. During we together, our life been not easy and i told you before that i don't mind had hard life with you coz i just wanna be with you. Maybe you can say i broke my promise, but i had enough. 
Enough of crying alone at the room and waiting you back with a lonely heart. I feel unsecure, empty and lonely. 
I cry... I feel sad... and i get "help"... but its still there... only now i hide it... i want everyone to believe it is ok... but its not, i'm not ok- its a rollercoaster of emotions, I slowly start to feel better and then all of a sudden you crash again... then it starts all over. I do really hate this kind of feeling. everytime someone asks me if im ok, its just a reminder that im not. Im crying inside and no noe knows it but me...
I'm might be tough for others, but i'm not. I feel scare, unsecure, hate, angry. This is the life i had now. Nothing much different than last time. 
I just hope a guy that i love would love me more, care more about me, not cheating on me. That's all. I don't need him to be rich, power or mayb like a god. I really dun wish that. I'm just a simple person hoping a simple and good relationship. 
I'm alone, surrounded by a crowd of friends. My ears hear nothing but the stories that don't include me, my eyes see nothing but the people turned away, and my hands feel the cold that comes from having no one around to just give me a hug. That's all I really want... a hug... and someone to be there when they say they will, even if I push them away.
No matter how hard I have tried to seek out help, the pain is still there sharper has it was before.  Being with a crowd of people or with ur best friend you still stand in darkness and feel totally alone.  When will thus end?  When will thus pain go away?  I can no longer take thus pain and feel my life has no inpack on anyone, who wlll miss someone who is nothing to anyone? 
People come and go and are sometimes forgottin but true love will always remain no matter how many girls u hug or kiss the first one that u cant help but want to talk to for hours and hours and be round 24/7 thats the people you keep cause no matter wat happens u will always love that person. I ask many times, y??? Y i had this such life?? I know others might be worse than me but i just can't help it. I just can't control my emotions. (2/6 i will never forget)