Feel miserable

All been left as memory now but i will still remember the memory i had wif you. Honestly, it's really hard for me to forget since we've been together for so long It's been struggling for so long. What should i do? I'm still care about you.
I feel myself slipping once again, I know whats to come now, I've been here before. Lonliness and despair, just me and my thoughts, my private struggle.
I don't want much, just to be free from this darkness, this pain, this fear. I wish people didn't judge, I'm not 'weak'! I can't just 'pull myself together!' I wish it were that easy.
I wish they understood, I wish I didn't have to pretent, I wish I didn't have to hide, I wish I wasn't me!
I really want you to know that you still inside my heart and nobody gonna replace you in my heart no matter what. During we together, our life been not easy and i told you before that i don't mind had hard life with you coz i just wanna be with you. Maybe you can say i broke my promise, but i had enough. 
Enough of crying alone at the room and waiting you back with a lonely heart. I feel unsecure, empty and lonely. 
I cry... I feel sad... and i get "help"... but its still there... only now i hide it... i want everyone to believe it is ok... but its not, i'm not ok- its a rollercoaster of emotions, I slowly start to feel better and then all of a sudden you crash again... then it starts all over. I do really hate this kind of feeling. everytime someone asks me if im ok, its just a reminder that im not. Im crying inside and no noe knows it but me...
I'm might be tough for others, but i'm not. I feel scare, unsecure, hate, angry. This is the life i had now. Nothing much different than last time. 
I just hope a guy that i love would love me more, care more about me, not cheating on me. That's all. I don't need him to be rich, power or mayb like a god. I really dun wish that. I'm just a simple person hoping a simple and good relationship. 
I'm alone, surrounded by a crowd of friends. My ears hear nothing but the stories that don't include me, my eyes see nothing but the people turned away, and my hands feel the cold that comes from having no one around to just give me a hug. That's all I really want... a hug... and someone to be there when they say they will, even if I push them away.
No matter how hard I have tried to seek out help, the pain is still there sharper has it was before.  Being with a crowd of people or with ur best friend you still stand in darkness and feel totally alone.  When will thus end?  When will thus pain go away?  I can no longer take thus pain and feel my life has no inpack on anyone, who wlll miss someone who is nothing to anyone? 
People come and go and are sometimes forgottin but true love will always remain no matter how many girls u hug or kiss the first one that u cant help but want to talk to for hours and hours and be round 24/7 thats the people you keep cause no matter wat happens u will always love that person. I ask many times, y??? Y i had this such life?? I know others might be worse than me but i just can't help it. I just can't control my emotions. (2/6 i will never forget)