How can i stop all this feeling??

I don't know what I'm gonna do...I've spent days and nights without you...it hurts me so bad to know you're not there...but you know I love you and you don't even care...I wish I could get you to see how much...how I love looking in your eyes and your gentle touch...but I should move on...I know, but I just can't seem to let go.
I really think there's a reason that I like him so much.  Like something is telling me not to let him go.  Everytime I follow my heart...it leads me to him.  I mean...what other explanation is there?  Why is it that he is all I can think about?  Why is it that no matter how upset I am...I see him and I can't help but smile?  Why is it that when he smiles at me...I get that feeling in my stomach?  And even when he'd broken my heart, and hurt me as much as anyone could ever hurt me...when he lied to me...and I hated him...why then did I still feel those same feelings??? 
Anyone could tell me to just give up and move on but I can't... they don't understand...they don't know him and they don't know what it's like to want him so much. If they understand, they will know why i can't let go~~~
"When you love someone, you are giving them the power to hurt you". Is it true???

It's so hard to show everyone that I'm doing fine without you when deep inside i'm not. It's hard because i have to smile when i really can't hold back my tears... cause as far i can see, you're doing fine without me....
How do you prepare a heart to be broken, or dreams to fall through?
How do you let go of a miracle, who means everything to you? How do you walk away, with tears in your eyes? Letting go isn't easy, i can only pray that i'll survive.

I'm not angry because we broke up, I'm sad because I can't let  you go.  I'm happy because of the memories we made, I'm sad because I can't stop reliving them in my mind.  I'm not angry at you for not loving me, I'm angry with me for still loving you.  I'm not angry that I lost you, I'm sad because I once had you.  I'm not angry that I can't have you, I'm sad because I know what I'm missing.  I'm not angry that you've moved on, I'm sad because I can't.  I'm not angry that you won't come back, I'm sad because I keep  hoping you will.  I'm not angry because I hate you and don't want to...I'm sad because I miss you and I love you.

You never realize how much you love someone until they're gone.  You never realize that...yes...once their love surrounded you but now...what do you have?  Memories.  Why does love hurt so much, when it's supposed to be such a good thing?  It's something that...yeah...I guess it can't be helped but...maybe it's harder for you than it is for someone else.  Faint smells of cologne...a song on the radio...a movie...or a single word...these are things that bring back those memories.  But, you can't hide from these things...because...they're there and no matter how hard you try to, they'll always be there.  Even when you have moved on to the future...and those things don't trigger the memories as much as before...they still do.  You can't forget someone that you've loved...you may want to...but you can't.  Love cannot be forgotten...no matter how hard we try...and how much we think it'll ease the pain...it will always be there...forever. 

I really wish that all this kind of feeling get away from me but how long will it take???

A broken hearted

This is for the broken hearted. I know how's the feeling. Empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever. I don't want to laugh, because i know it's not going to help, but i don't want to cry, because it will just make me feel worse. 
I feel like my heart is falling apart, but not only that, i know soon your life is going to feel like it's falling apart too even not bcoz of me. I hope that i don't think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to me, it feels impossible to stop loving him. And everyone wonders why if he have hurt me so much, then why do i still love him? That's the confusing part, i really don't know why, i just do, and the people who hurt me the most, are normally the ones i love the most.
 And then, after a few weeks, i finally feel a sense of relief, like i'm getting happy again, but i know inside that i'm just going into denial. And after a few more weeks, i'm back to where to an empty soul and teary eyes. 
I thought i'll got over him, but really, he just stopped showing it. And i can't help but to show it again. It leaves deep scars on my heart that are there forever. And no one understands how i feel, and how deep i'm hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn't happened to them and even if it has, every broken heart is different. 
He don't know the true pain i feel and carry each and everyday now, so i learn that basically i'm are all alone with all this. And the feeling starts to overwhelm me, and suddenly i just break down, right there, because i know i've had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and i'm to the point where i don't care who see's. Because i've spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection. 
And in the midst of all these tears, i know that its not helping any, and it's not going to bring him back, if i ever even had him in the first place. After about a million tears have been cried, i'm trying to pull myself back together and keep going. My throat starts to clench and my eyes burn with the tears i'm trying to hold back. Everyone says, "It will be okay…” But you know it won't. And that’s the truth, it won’t. And i look back on all of the hurt i had from this, and i realize that people are horrible. I'm still hurt, but i've learned to hide it so that everyone thinks i'm okay. So now every time i see this person, i know i still love him, and i feel a slight tingle in my heart yearning for him to love me back, screaming out, but for some reason he won't and don't hear it. And then i sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this........
I really mad at myself, not you. I'm mad for always being nice, always apologizing for things I didn't do, for getting attached, for making you my life, depending on you, wasting my time on you, thinking about you, following you, changing for you, forgiving you, wishing for you, dreaming of you, and most of all... for not hating you which I know I should... but I can't. Why you didn't appreciate of what all i've done?? 

This is what i call friend ♥ ♥

Times that we been waitin..... and waitin......and you're BACK!!!!!  Is real great to seeing you, even though is not very long. Just 1 and a half month but we still feels like ages...... hahaha..... seems too over. Anyhow, great seeing you again. Seeing a happy queen !!!!Talk a lot things to you, the feelings like back to when i get to know you. 

And i realize, sometimes life is hard to bear when a friend is just not there :( And i understand now that,  friends are always friends no matter how far you have to travel back in time. If you have memories together, there is always a piece of your friendship inside your heart. Maybe this is the reason we keep on taking lots of picture when we together. To keep the memories :)
Here is part of some our memories.......

Babe ♥ me :)

Mangsat back to action again!!!!

It's been a while.....

queen ♥ me ♥ cheron

Can't wait back to normal

Hawt...hawt....babe

In a very secret garden ♥

Location: Secret Garden, IpoH

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend. Someone who changes my life just by being a part of it. Someone who makes me laugh until i can't stop. Someone who makes me believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces me that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for me to open it. This is forever friendship. When i'm down and the world seems dark and empty, my forever friend lifts me up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full. My forever friend gets me through the hard times, the sad times and the confused times. If i turn and walk away, my forever friend follows. If i lose my way, my forever friend guides me and cheers me on. My forever friend holds my hand and tells me that everything is going to be okay. And if you find such a friend, you feel happy and complete because you need not worry. I have this forever friend, and forever has no end.

I understand that we all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.

Happy Birthday Alfie !!!!!!

To Alfie, who now live peacefully and happily with God.

Time passed really fast. It's about 2 years?? Anyhow......

 Receive my wishes and blessing from me as well as your dearest friends and loves, here. Looking us from up above. 

Partying hard up there with God .....♥♥

It’s your birthday, let’s remember those times,

With a couple, funny rhymes.

Partners in crime, since young and tender,

No matter what, we never surrender.

Young and foolish, got in trouble,

Tried to hide it; became double.

Rarely thought before we acted,

Didn’t take much, to get distracted.

Remember those times, and all that fun,

Never seemed to escape the sun.

After all those years; a bond,

Most times, I am fairly fond.

Missing you!!!!

Not an option(@^^@)

My friends are always telling me to move on, to give up. But why? Why should I?
They don't see you the way that I see you. They don't look into your eyes and see the world. Why would they understand?They can't possibly imagine what it means to look at your best friend and see all their hopes and dreams come true.
I wish for once, just once,they could walk a mile in my shoes. But they wouldn't need to walk that far,
they would just take one step and suddenly,they would take back every bit of 'getting over you'
advice they had ever given me and realize you're my life, you were meant for me, and that moving on or giving up is simply not an option.
Knowing something true does not make it what we wish it to be. We see things not as they are but as we are. Though feelings be strange and minds' eyes look through veiled souls, in the end it is not our despair that we should fear but rather it is our tenacity. Sometimes pride can scar us more than hurt.
To love is to tie your heart to someone else’s and never let go. If the love quickly fades, it was not love. If you truly love someone you will always be thinking of them and you will want to make them always feel your love and take time out of your lives for them, because you will always want to be with them and make them happy. If you don’t, it’s not love.